Wellness Diary: On Feeling Insecure & Comparison

     You may notice a bit of change in the content I create here at Jackie O My. I feel like I'm evolving. Let me explain.

I'm often stressed while creating content and trying to meet deadlines for my editorial. I ask myself why I do this. Why do I blog? Why do I want to start taking on YouTube videos? I feel like it must be for vain reasons, a search for popularity or something that's missing inside me. There are quite a few downsides to fashion blogging. I'm a perfectionist, and often stress over the quality of my work. I sometimes feel like I don't have time to pursue other hobbies, like painting or music, or learning a new language. More than anything else, my unhappiness comes from comparing myself to others, especially on Instagram. I compare my appearance to theirs, hold my modest victories up against their greatest achievements. You may have seen my last video, a Sephora shopping vlog. Watching this video made me realize something wasn't working. Why do I feel bad after watching my own work?

Watching yourself on video, all of your insecurities are magnified

In my vlog, I got a haircut that was quite short, and it took me a few hours to realise it highlighted all the other features I don't like about my appearance. (I won't get into them here, but will talk more about them in the video that will accompany this post.) I was very upset that night, calling myself all kinds of unkind words and wondering why if short hair looks good on such and such, why not on me?

This is the comparison trap. Anytime you scroll through Instagram, magazines or fashion blogs, subconsciously you are comparing yourself or your life to that person (unless you are very lucky and self-controlled!). I realise now that I feel very guilty about the content I've been creating lately. They've all been shopping hauls, or shopping vlogs, and I have to admit it doesn't feel good to put that content out into the world. For one, it's extremely unoriginal. But more importantly, I am contributing to the idea that we all need more, and need to compare what we have, are, and look like to others on social media.

I'm going to try to create a little more consciously now, and consume less of that content too. I hope you will keep in mind the next time you scroll through Instagram that no one has the perfect life, but you are perfect as you are. You don't need more, or need to be more. You are enough.

Relevant links:

On Coping With Panic Attacks And My Life Changing Diagnosis - A personal story of anxiety.

How are you coping with the daily stress of social pressure? Let's start a discussion.